Monday, September 29, 2008

I'm not having a good day

I'm having a bad day. I don't know if it's a Monday pity party or what, but I'm just down. I really shouldn't be though. Madeline is really doing well. We have adjusted to her new lifestyle okay. And she doesn't really have the emotional personality issues any longer. I'm just sad...or maybe mad.

I hate that she will not be able to go to camp in the summer, that she will not get to lay out with her friends by the pool and get that ever so desired tan every teenage girl wants. I hate anytime she spends the night with someone I have to go over and give her her medication. I hate we have to miss school and work to travel to her doctor's appointment in Texas. I hate having to wonder each day if she is going to not be able to get out of bed or walk when we wake her in the morning. I hate worrying if she is going to catch a virus she can't get over. I hate the worry of what these drugs are doing to her body. Will she be able to have children? Will she ever go in remission? Will we always have to live on pins and needles?

Okay...guess I'm mad. I hate this...I wish I could go back in time and just stay there. It would be easier.

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